Off-Worlders Read online

  Minx Fae

  Three hours ago, world is as it should be.

  Three hours ago I recline on couch, waiting outcome of Sebastian’s deal. Profit high. Almost high as dodgy. I already counting first, ignoring latter. I am Minx Fae, not burdened by lesser emotions - like guilt for gullible - so this not hard for me.

  And not hard for Sebastian's gang of fools. Inept, but hot to look at. So I's look. We in great market of Zesh. In one of gaudy pillow laden dens set aside for these things. It deliciously hot. Hookahs compete with incense. Tea spiked. Sounds of haggling, lying, cheating all around us.

  Ah, market day. I am happy.

  I am happy and content all things unfolding as I plan.

  In words of great mother of understatement, how things change.

  Because now world is most definitely not as should be.

  And all because one night...is ancient history now! So long ago. But man is crazy. Still hold grudge.

  Not even my fault in first place.

  Was random night. On way home. Run into old friend. Go for drink. Sometimes these nights play out good. Sometimes play out bad. This start good. End very bad.

  It all night hookah bar, smoke machine, nasty batch of Sprite beer. Me dancing, dancing. But I am little. I am Minx Fae. I know is not allowed but I just float up a little way. Swaying, dancing. Up a little higher. Maybe have a little twirl.

  Next thing, disgusting! My left horn is with squishy!

  And all hell is break loose! Crazy, angry man threatening all kinds of thing! Anger management issues indeed. And all very harsh considering is accident. And drunken accident at that. And no considering how traumatize I am in all of this!

  Is disgusting having stupid, squishy eyeball on end of horn! And get off! I still shudder when think of this.

  Worse, I must go in hiding when old one-eye put reward on head! I mean, I hold no grudge. I let bygones be bygones. But he want revenge. Not eye for eye. He want horn for eye. Namely, my horn, his eye.

  Old one-eye not so stupid as looks. He know my horns worth fortune. Much more than stupid eye. I think is plot all along.

  I am very attached to horns. They gold and white. You know how rare is with blood red wings? Is right - very! But I digress.

  He no get grubby mitts on me then, and he no going to get grubby mitts on me now.

  Exit, stage left.

  Sebastian and gang of fools is right behind me. They is nasty firearms one-eye brings with him.

  But lucks for all his aim is bad as breath. As we exit market he fire very poor shots and miss us.

  Unfortunately he take out wild Zesh fighting rock goat and intergalactic federation customs agent. There be a lot Zesh law enforcers turn blind eye to, but shooting wild Zesh fighting rock goat is not one of these things.

  They worth fortune! Even more than horns. Also, they usually owned by demon lords. And nobody with lick of sense annoy wild Zesh fighting rock goat owing demon lord.

  Anyways, now is men in funny uniforms everywhere. I did not even know we had so many law enforcers. And when they start giving them uniforms? How they catch us doing anything? If they make them stand out like that?

  But my, these ones is efficient looking. Me begins to think not from around these parts. Still, old one-eye is giving them good chase. I think I about to see one get him, and then all hell break loose again.

  As drunken demon lord careen out of tavern to find favorite wild Zesh fighting rock goat dead.

  Is not good to be closest bystanders when demon lord questions start. Locals know this and there is blind panic stampede to be furthest away from him and goat.

  Efficient looking men appear to be not so clued up on demon lord etiquette.

  They learn quick after first three deaths.

  But all this lets old one-eye get away. And I is cursing fit to burst when I feel net go round me.

  Efficient looking man is on end of it.

  So I presume is for my protection as demon lord still on death rampage. But I no like as is playing havoc with wings. Still, I smile, not too much to show fangs - I am smarts in these things - and nods prettily at man as he perform identity scan.

  And waits for hims to release me. I have paid for updated "is good" identity read only yesterday. Godds be praised!

  Release does not happen.

  Even after Zesh fighting rock goat proves to be sleeps rather than dead.

  Old one-eye had not even shot goat! Demon lord had been in tavern for three days and goat bored. Zesh fighting rock goats capable of very deeps sleeps.

  Grumpy when wakes up though. Almost grumpy as owners.

  There is more death at hands of goat.

  And then demon lord is happy.

  Efficient looking men have learnt much. They wisely lets him and goat go on their way.

  I waits for them to do same for me.

  But no’s.

  There is no such lucks for me.

  I gets put in cage!

  Me! In cage!

  Is disgusting. Is so small I cannot stretch wings.

  Two very bad, efficient men, they questions me for hours.

  Not’s about Sebastian, either. No, is all about old one-eye.

  Godds be cursed the night’s I meets him!

  And godds be cursed disgusting, squishy, fishy eyeball!

  Yes, is fishy. Is very fishy. Because these men crazy for eyeball! They wants it so bad, they’s bully me till I tell them where is remains.

  Poor Droons. I prays he has nothings too incriminating out when’s they go round there.

  When they return they will tells me nothing. Only that’s they gots it from him. They puts it in fronts of me - disgusting! And asks where is rest.

  Rest?

  If rest, is tramped into bar floor longs ago.

  No’s they say.

  And both's of them looks thinkings at me.

  Is no good. Me no likes anyone looks thinkings at me. No goods ever comes of this.

  And I is right.

  Is no goods they wants from me.

  They get different scanner. Do more scans. Not for identity. Just on horn.

  Because…

  Is still in there!

  Oh, hideous, disgusting, squishy, fishy eyeball! Bits of its are insides of me!

  Insides my beautiful white gold horn.

  I am sicks when they’s tells me.

  I throws up all overs them.

  Minx Fae vomit. Very nasty.

  A small joy. It serves them rights.

  I here longs time while's clean themselves. Not so quick.Not so easy to cleans.

  Hee hee.

  Glee short lived.

  Because when’s they comes back they tells me they will opens up horn to gets out.

  “Goods lucks with that,” I’s mutter.

  Minx Fae horns very strong. Almost strong as Zesh fighting rock goat's. Or demon lord's.

  “Oh we won’t need any luck,” One with dark blue eyes and goods hearing says. “Not with this.”

  He smiles as he holds it up to me.

  Is Pann blade. Can cuts through anythings. Even Pann's horns.

  They backs back quickly as I’s vomits again.

  I’s miss.

  They learns quick, these mens.

  “Why’s?” I demands. And nows I flash my fangs. “Why’s this one? Is in bits! Old one-eye stills got's other eye! Finds him! Gets that one!”

  I stamps my foots. I am grumpy’s now.

  The blonde’s one smiles at me like I am dumb fairy.

  I hiss at him and breaks the links on ones of the nasty wrists chains.

  They is open mouthed, staring at me.

  I pulls on the nasty wrist chains harder. It breaks.

  They’s gasps and go’s for guns.

  Is vomit.

  It miss them's but gets chains.

  Tolds you is nasty.

  Efficient's mens not so smarts.

  They thinks normal wings restraints wills work on me.
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br />   Hee hee.

  Very barbed and poisonous, my wings.

  I’s gives the nasty one with dark blues eyes a nasty tastes of them’s as I flies over him.

  Will hurts like bitch till morning.

  The dumbs one I not hurts so bad. I is not completely merciless.

  Stills, they both paralyzed for moment.

  I raise alarm myself's and waits up high. Whens reinforcements comes I flies rights over them's.

  They using Zesh law enforcer station closest to mains space port. I is familiar!

  There is vent at end of supply corridor bigs enough to squeeze through.

  I squeeze. Is not so easy as remembers it. Must stops daily eats of deeps fried scorpions. Will stops. Will just have three as treats for escaping's. Mmmm. Dipped in chocolate. Yum's.

  Is all inspirations I needs. And I is through. Scraped and torn's but throughs.

  Vents opens in dark, dirty corner of alley next to space port.

  I smells scorpions and every instincts pulls me that ways.

  Excepts one.

  Damns its!

  I stamps foot, but follows instinct leading away from scorpions. Is very strong's. I drawn's to it.

  I keeps low as I enters space port.

  Mmm. Interesting's. That is rebel ship. Incandesa3. Deeps space hauler.

  I sniffs air.

  There is ones on that who not show themselves to be what's are.

  Minx Fae nose very goods at detecting's such things.

  Minx Fae ears also very goods at hearings pursuits of efficient's mens close on trail.

  I makes breaks for ship. And the godds smile on me and put scorpion eating idiot in's path.

  I swipes. Is not chocolate covered, but wills do.

  I heads for prison hold in bottoms of ship.

  I's expects big, but's this huge. There is bigs metal ramps hangings from ceilings. Runs rights down middle. I go's up theres to have better looks.

  Is mosts peculiars. They's got beds downs theres. And guards. But they's not guarding's they is lounging's.

  I hear's them gets told's they beings secured's in theres and to stays quiets.

  Most peculiar's. Most peculiar's indeeds.

  Goods things is darks. Just greens exits lights.

  I finds odds and sods and makes little cubby. Is comfy.

  But I no's relax until ships takes off. Then tucks into's scorpion.

  Must finds Seth. Seth will haves ways to gets eye's out of horn with no hurts. Pann Lord magics.

  I is familiar of Seth, greatest of all Pann Lords.

  He looks for Fifth Veil Siren now's. I's too. But I’s gets distracted in Zesh. And she no there. I’s sure of thats.

  Hiccup.

  Scorpions makes me's belch.

  One of guards comes to looks. But I hides good. I is smarts likes that.

  Now's guards all sleeps and I's about to joins them's.

  Three hours ago, world is as should be.

  Now is better.

  When's world as should be is turned on ass, godds smiling's on you, no?

  Hiccup.

  Is all good. They no's hears me.

  Is nice you worries though. I save's bit of next chocolates scorpions for you's and leaves on pillow.

  Now shoosh's.

  I's sleeps.